Arthur was hanging out with the guys who would later become the Knights Of The Round Table, talking about some people they used to know who were famous now. Or at least Internet famous. The knights all played it off like they didn’t care, but when they got home they each looked the famous people up online and thought to themselves, What do they have that I don’t? And how does Google always know exactly what to advertise to me?
The Golem was not having a very good first day of Hanukkah. He put a tasteful menorah up at his job but some coworker hid it behind these creepy animatronic elves waving electric candles. He tried to sing a little “Maoz Tzur” on a street corner to get people in the spirit, but a nearby store just upped the volume on their “Jingle Bell Rock.” And every time he spun his dreidel, someone dropped an entire bag of Christmas gifts on it. He was a man of mud in a city of Gentiles, and he felt he would never belong.
But then that night he had dinner at his great aunt’s house and she said to him, “How come you never call? What, you’re too busy for me now?” He felt an overwhelming wave of guilt, then smiled and thought, Ah, I’m home now.
The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! But don’t ask him why, because he’ll tell you the reasons: His mother’s a drunk, his stepfather’s a jerk, And once one of ‘em starts something they both go berserk. Then there’s the consumerism, the endless buying, Every jingling commercial made him wish he were dying.
But there was one thing that made the Grinch’s season less glum: A little bit of eggnog, and a big ol’ bottle of rum.
Fairy Tales For Twenty-Somethings is written about in Si!, Argentinan newspaper Clarín’s supplement para los jóvenes. (Click the image to view it larger.)
Thank you, Si! And writer Victoria Corruti. This was in the print edition. So cool.
PS For those who don’t read Spanish: I’m quoted as saying that one possibly unexpected influence on the fairy tales is Charles Schultz’s Peanuts comic strip, because in such a short space he packs so much humor and emotion. Here’s to you, Charlie Brown.
The Seven Dwarves had to work ten hour shifts, and halfway through Monday they were already exhausted, but they didn’t let it get them down. They believed in the intrinsic value of a hard day’s work, that every citizen should take pride in contributing to society. And they spent most of their work day GChatting with each other anyway, so.
All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call Rudolph names, and the scars from the bullying stuck with him. He was insecure about his appearance even among friends and he avoided being in photos. Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say, “Just get in the picture. I’ll take a few and you can delete the ones you don’t like.”
Throughout the month of December, I’ll be sprinkling some more festive tales of twenty-somethings alongside our regular collection of fairy tales. Because I kinda wanna know what Frosty had in that corncob pipe.
The Gingerbread Man had gotten out of shape and everything hurt. I’m officially getting old, he thought.
So he decided to start going on nightly jogs. Halfway through the first one he was feeling young and spry again, like he was back in his old high school track days, and he shouted proudly, “Run run run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me I’m the—AGH MY KNEE! OH GOD I TORE SOMETHING! THE PAIN IS EXCRUCIATING!”
The Three Little Pigs had all grown up. It was strange to think they’d once spent all day every day together; their lives were so separate now. They barely saw each other. But then the First Little Pig conference called the other two to give them the news that his wife was having a baby girl.
And they were in it together again, cheering and saying “wow, wow.” This was their life. They were brothers.
Little Red Riding Hood finally found a guy who wasn’t some asshole wolf or douchebag huntsman. He was sweet, and she thought he was pretty funny. Plus she hadn’t been with anyone in a hell of a long time so after their first drink she asked if he wanted to come back to her place, and they made out the whole cab ride there.
But once in bed he was too nervous to, um, perform.
Well, that was a bummer, she thought, and lit a cigarette.