Chicken Little had no idea how to calm her Election Day anxiety. She just kept reloading news and social media sites even though they didn’t tell her any new information. She was going crazy but it was impossible to pull herself away. But then she found this slideshow of photos of a baby giraffe. Oh my God, his little legs were so cute!
Peter Pan was feeling like his constant connection to the Internet and social networking sites was having a bad effect on his psyche, so he decided to disconnect and get back to the things he did pre-Internet, really live his life again.
That night, he watched TV for five hours straight.
The Frog Prince needed the princess to kiss him so he could turn back into a human. Then all his problems would be solved, then his life would be perfect.
Finally, after driving her home one night, she leaned in towards him. But he was going in for this open-mouthed thing, and hers was just gonna be a little peck, so when they met, aw, it was just, it was a mess.
Cinderella hated her job but she was too broke to quit. A part of her didn’t care enough to quit anyway. What else would she do? It was stupid to think she could really be a photographer. Better to just accept her life and get used to it.
Then one night as she lay awake listening to the mice scratch against the walls, she closed her eyes and said quietly,
"A dream is a wish your heart makes, When you’re fast asleep… I don’t need everything to go right in my life, I just wish I could care again. Please. I just need to believe it’s possible.”
Puss In Boots dressed in the best clothes and ate in the best restaurants now, but he still stayed true to his roots. On Friday nights he met up with his old cats in the alley and they ate leftover cans of tuna.
The Little Mermaid was a human now but she never knew what to say when somebody cracked a joke making fun of merpeople. Should she tell them she was offended? But it would require so much explanation. And nobody would believe the part about the octopus witch.
Rapunzel cut all her hair off and everyone was totally into it but one unexpected consequence was that she kept getting hit on by women.
After like the tenth time it happened she wanted to say to the girl, “Is this still a thing, that only lesbians have short hair? Can’t pretty much anyone have short hair now?” But then she was like, Eh, yolo, and they made out.
Tinkerbell thought she’d gotten over Peter Pan years ago but then when he told her he broke things off with Tiger Lilly, it was crazy, all of a sudden she wanted him again. She could feel it all like it was totally new.
Does this mean the feeling is real or does it mean I’m just a fucking idiot? she thought, and wished that someone would clap for her.